And in this world of glitter, I miss you and hate myself even more..
I miss you. I miss just being friends. I miss our stupid nicknames and I miss not fighting. And then I look in the mirror, and I have to ask myself..
Why did this happen to us?
I ask why you had to fall, and why I had the sagacity to ignore it all. Why did I have to let it all slip away? I tried to crawl after you but I was too busy with other people, you were too busy healing yourself from the woulds I personally inflicted and getting married to her. We've talked exactly two times since I was engaged and since you were married. I counted. Of course its not all that hard to count two.
In the past, talking two times would have been in one day. .. Not the course of half a year. I didn't want you as anything more, I still don't. I just wish I could have you to talk to, have you console me when everything in my miniscule, self absorbed world comes crashing down to an end. And I wanted you, and I still do, but I can't try to make more than what was. It didn't feel right jeopardizing what we had. What I thought we had. I thought our friendship was unbreakable. It was like a glash dish, it was beautiful at first..
It got dropped on the floor a few times, simple cracks, it was a little uglier but we paid no attention. Then it got slid off of the table and the whole thing went crashing into seperated glass shards, unable to be pieced together by superglue or an apology.
Elisha, you've been here for me. I'm so grateful for that. You've stayed on the phone listening to me yap on about broken friendships and relationships for hours, and you never hung up or fell asleep. You've almost become my sister. Its not like my real sister cares, anyway. Heather, I miss you. You were here too. You were there when I decided not to get married, you were there when I wanted him back. You were there through the whole scare when I thought I was pregnant. You were there for it all and I miss our long talks, although this update isn't about you.
I miss the past. I miss everything that was here say 7 months ago. I miss having three best friends instead of one, I miss being engaged. I miss the laughter and the tears and the smiles and everything that was brought along with every moment of it all.
I hate change.